Home
|
Home |
Unity, Freedom and Bliss is our Birthright. Sacred Relationship is the vehicle by which we claim this Birthright. Sacred Relationship is loving Relationship, spiritual Relationship, based not on individual egos but on the Wholeness of unconditional Love. Through the vehicle of Sacred Relationship, we come to know firsthand that only Love is real, and all else is illusion.
Love is the only action, everything else is reaction.
Jolie Pond
Times are changing, and old archetypes change with the times. Co-creators of Benestrophe do not resist new paradigms, but allow themselves to be inspired by the spiritual evolution that is now sweeping our planet. The old model of relationship has been superseded by the new model. This new model is called Sacred Relationship. Step Seven allows us to keep pace with our new archetype by evolving through the vehicle of Sacred Relationship. As the energy of our planet shifts, and as we, ourselves, evolve to a higher state of consciousness, the Unity of Sacred Relationship will transform our world.
Old-style relationship, such as society’s outmoded institution of marriage, developed as a means to allow individuals a better chance to survive in a hostile world. When people needed to defend themselves against wild animals and seek shelter and food hour by hour, such methods of bonding served an important purpose. Today, however, our world is a vastly different place than that of our ancestors, and the needs and wants of people have changed accordingly. Along with these changes, a new, more-evolved model of Relationship is upon us. Humanity is now ready to embrace an entirely new type of Relationship. We call this new concept Sacred Relationship. Sacred Relationship is guided by a sense of compassion and Love between equals. Unlike the old style of relationship, the purpose of Sacred Relationship is not to survive, but to evolve spiritually into the higher consciousness of Love. Sacred Relationship expresses the ideals of Wholeness and Love. Those committed to Sacred Relationship co-create experiences that lift communities, nations, and cultures into the new realm of Heaven on Earth. Sacred Relationship implies Freedom for all. This new archetype for Relationship is the wave of the future.
Any and every relationship should be for the purpose of helping the other one attain freedom, or for being helped in attaining freedom.
Lester Levinson, The Sedona Method
Most relationships start at the material level, in the realm of mind and illusion. While such relationships appear to function for a time, unless unconditional Love is the guiding force, they ultimately crumble. Sacred Relationship, by contrast, stands the test of time. We enter Sacred Relationship to heal ourselves and to support others in healing themselves. When our Hearts merge, healing happens.
When we are stuck in old ways, we cannot grow, and we cannot evolve. When we cling to old archetypes, we remain rooted in the past. We are like the stiff old tree that cannot bend and breaks with each new storm. The new way is Sacred Relationship. When we embrace the new archetype of Sacred Relationship, we receive our passport to the new and brighter future.
The archetype of marriage was designed to assist physical survival. When two people marry, they participate in an energy dynamic in which they merge their lives in order to help each other survive physically. The archetype of marriage is no longer functional. It is being replaced with a new archetype that is designed to assist spiritual growth. This is the archetype of spiritual or sacred partnership.
Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul
Sacred Relationship transcends time and space. Sacred Relationship, unlike concepts formed by the mind, is indestructible. Sacred Relationship lives in our Hearts and shows itself in everything we do. When we celebrate Sacred Relationship, we are recognizing the Divinity that dwells within every living creature.
Humility is the consciousness of recognizing our Self. Thus, when we humbly celebrate Sacred Relationship, we are reinforcing who we are. Humility and celebration compliment one another. Humility acknowledges the spiritual quality of Relationship.
As we celebrate Sacred Relationship, we maintain our focus on our unique role in the expanding Universe of Love. As we face Life with humility and reverence, we allow the unbounded joy that wells up within us to seek its own natural expression. When our celebration is rooted in humility, we form a communion or sharing with our Self. In humble celebration, we foster an attitude of acceptance, unconditionally welcoming all that Life brings. This intense form of celebration brings all things together in Unity, where no conflict exists.
Celebration is rejoicing in all the beauties, all the joys, all that Life offers, because this whole Life is a gift of God. Celebration does not divide. It unites, it brings things together; it creates a togetherness in the world.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Celebration is an attitude of grateful acceptance of the gift of Life. Celebration is unconditional. It transforms sadness into joy and misery into happiness. Song, dance, laughter, prayer, meditation, and Love are all ways in which celebration manifests. As we celebrate with others, the energy of the group merges to create a synergistic effect that dissolves ego and self-righteousness. When the predominant energy of the group is unconditional Love, fear evaporates, providing the openness and willingness that allows countless miracles of healing to take place.
Both separation and Unity are concepts that emerge from our consciousness. From different perspectives, they both seem to be true. Our individuality can be likened to what happens when a prism breaks up white light into a spectrum of color. In order to see the reds, greens, and yellows, the colors must stand apart from the one another. Yet all colors spring from a single source, which requires each in order to be complete. Likewise, each of us is an essential part of the Whole. We discover ourselves when we explore our Relationship to this Whole.
All know that the drop merges into the ocean but few know that the ocean merges into the drop.
Kabir
As long as we believe in separation and we honor that belief by celebrating our individuality, we suffer. Just as a single bite of our favorite food serves to whet our appetite, our ego-based relationships give us a tiny taste of Wholeness and eventually make us dissatisfied. Our minds tell us that if we can improve ourselves, bring the best conditions into our lives, or win the love of the right people, our Hearts will remain open. This erroneous viewpoint perceives Love as conditional. Love is always unconditional, beyond relationships that serve the ego.
When we seek Unity by entering into exclusive Relationships, we end up feeling vulnerable. When we seek Freedom by avoiding commitment, we end up feeling empty. When we seek Bliss in self-indulgence, we end up drained of energy. Unity, Freedom, and Bliss cannot be achieved through striving. These qualities are the essence of Life. When we attune ourselves to Wholeness by humbly celebrating Sacred Relationship, we automatically begin to resonate with Unity, Freedom, and Bliss.
The key to this attunement is humble celebration of Life. The essence of celebration is grateful attention. The mind’s focus is naturally on our own personal wants and needs. When humility shifts our focus from selfish desires to the sacredness of compassion and Sacred Relationship, the Wholeness that already exists within us begins to resonate with the Unity, Freedom, and Bliss inherent in all of creation.
A long time ago, people lived close to Nature. They honored and respected its cycles and rhythms. They understood the interconnection between the spirits of the fire, the corn, the nursing baby, the dying elder, the hunter, and the prey. For these ancients, a notion of Relationship that focused on personal fulfillment was incomprehensible. For them, Relationship was necessary for survival. No one had to remind them that Relationship was Sacred. In time, as humankind sought to test its power, the natural world became just another object to be conquered. Desire for what the mind terms progress has blinded us to the delicate balance that heals and holds the world together. As we lost our humility, we lost our sense of the sacred. Words like alienated, isolated, segregated, and lonely now describe a huge segment of our population. As our environment chokes on the refuse of our convenience, the pain of separation is awakening us to the necessity of rediscovering what has been lost.
We are now beginning to realize the price we have paid for the actions that allow us to feel in control and powerful. In forgetting that we are all children of our Mother Earth, we have sacrificed our experience of Unity, Freedom, and Bliss for the dubious benefits of alienation, for the convenience of fast food and cheap energy. Because we have lost touch with our true place in this magnificent world, we clamor for anything and everything that we think might offer relief from the nagging fear that we are not enough.
Although we have convinced ourselves that the emptiness in our lives can be filled by a person, achievement, or acquisition, this belief actually leads us in the wrong direction. Striving is not the cure for what ails us. Only by remembering our Oneness with all that is do we experience the Sacred Relationship wherein we are Whole.
Without reverence, without the perception of the holiness of all things, the world becomes cold and barren, mechanical and random at the same time, and this creates experiences of alienation and acts of violence.
Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul
An easy way to celebrate Sacred Relationship in our daily lives is to heighten our awareness of the sentient nature of all that surrounds us. When we approach Life with reverence and respect, the world becomes more than a backdrop for our selfish drama. Touching another’s pain brings forth the desire to heal; our yearning to heal our Relationship with the Earth opens our Hearts to her needs. We see that her needs and our needs are one.
As we realize that the Relationship between ourselves and Nature is a Sacred interdependence, we change the way we live. As awareness expands, gratefulness fills our Hearts. Recycling, conserving resources, becoming more conscious consumers, and living deliberately are some of the ways by which we celebrate Sacred Relationship.
Even those of us who feel a deep resonance with the Wholeness inherent in Nature can lack the experience of Sacredness in our personal Relationships. We avoid using Relationship as a way to bolster individual identity and give us a sense of control. We avoid confusing relationships with labels. We avoid expressing relationships in the possessive case: My mother, my friend, my enemy.
We divide our world into those we know and those we do not know; into those who appear similar to us and those who appear different; into those we like and those we dislike. What passes for Love is granted accordingly. When we use Relationship to define our self-concept and meet our needs for approval and control, we miss the fact that simply sharing the planet with other beings in this tiny slice of time constitutes a very real Relationship.
I looked for my soul and my soul I could not see. I looked for my God but my God eluded me. I looked for a friend and I found all three.
Thomas Blake
The self-centered ego, relating everything to itself, also misses the fact that we exist in Sacred Relationship, not only to Nature and other people, but to the food we eat, the concepts that create our reality, the feelings that arise within us, and everything else that exists in our world. The mind is unable to fathom our Relationship with the brook, the rain forest, and the man on the bus. However, when we humbly celebrate Sacred Relationship and open our Hearts in Love, we feel Unity, Freedom, and Bliss resonate deep inside us.
When we live under the influence of fear and separation, we live in material relationship. We become absorbed in what we want, what we need, who we want to be, and how we want Life to be. We place limiting conditions on our ability to experience unconditional Love. This attitude results in relationships that are exclusive, possessive, and carefully-defined interactions in which we need everyone to dutifully follow their assigned script. Since this focus attracts others equally engrossed in their own needs and desires, we end up with relationships that don’t work.
Only in relationship can you know yourself, not in abstraction, and certainly not in isolation.
J. Krishnamurti
We blame our self-doubt on disappointing relationships, yet our relationships can only mirror what we bring to them. What appears in this mirror is a reflection of some aspect of ourselves, an aspect that we may be totally unaware of. Typically, we try to fix our relationships by trying to change other people. Of course, these other people tend to be equally committed to the idea that the problem lies with us. This situation creates a climate where virtually no one feels secure. Love becomes conditional, something that is experienced only in the presence of approval or control. Relationships become alliances entered into for the purpose of filling some lack we perceive in ourselves.
The key to Sacred Relationship is commitment. When we are dishonest about our needs and desires, we plant the seeds of resentment. Saying yes when we mean no reflects fear rather than Love. Integrity means being real, acknowledging who we are, with our strengths and weaknesses. Integrity never lies or misleads, but always accepts and tells the Truth. When we live in integrity, there is no need for stress or worry, since the comfort and assurance our Hearts provide can never be broken. Living with integrity turns relationships into Sacred Relationship.
To change the reflection of ourselves we see in the bathroom mirror, we do not work on the reflection itseW but rather on that which is reflected. When one s appearance changes, so does one’s likeness in the glass. The tricky point to remember about mirrors is that, while they seem to show an actual portrayal of what is before them, the image we see is colored by our focus. The reflection shown to us when we look in the mirror is a reflection of our self-concept. This image miraculously changes as we change our focus.
If we were to come up with one word about each of the troublemakers in our lives, we would find ourselves with a list of descriptions of our own rejected qualities.
Pema Chodron
What we experience in our relationships with other people reflects not so much who we are as who we believe ourselves to be. We can change partners, friends, and careers and still find ourselves dealing with the same old issues that have always faced us. When ego reigns, we see ourselves in terms of separateness, and we perceive in others qualities that make them seem separate. When we see the Relationships in our lives as opportunities to love and grow, we use the reflective nature of Life to our advantage.
While thoughts and feelings may arise uninvited, we choose which ones to energize with our attention. At every moment of our lives, we choose the high road or the low road. We can indulge in reaction or look for an appropriate response. We can judge the deed or remember the doer of the deed. When we experience ourselves as subject and treat all else as object, we see a lonely world in which Wholeness is but a pipedream. When we approach Life with an attitude of humble celebration, we experience Sacred Relationship and Unity, Freedom, and Bliss become our Reality.
This approach requires some retraining. The mind is conditioned to look out for its own interests, and gifts from our egos are not given, but exchanged. When we give out of a sense of obligation, to escape a feeling of indebtedness, to stave off guilt, to create dependency, or to feel appreciated and worthy the result we obtain is less than joyful.
Thank everyone who allows you to serve them. They have given you an opportunity to release yourself from the restrictions of your own limitations and selfishness.
Yogi Amrit Desai
The Self we discover whenever we get beyond self- interest is a source of continual joy because it is rooted in Love, not fear. Belief in fear has left us scarred, and the scars hide who we are. All relationships, the difficult ones and the easy ones, offer an opportunity to heal our lives.
When we live Life in celebration of Sacred Relationship, we consciously mirror to others the Truth of who they are. By choosing to filter out all negative perceptions of the mind and to reflect only the beauty in those we meet, we see the Relationship between how we perceive and what we perceive. We see that areas where we could criticize are areas where we can empower. The energy of unconditional Love works through us in a vivid and tangible way.
Sacred Relationship is the expression of the Wholeness for which we yearn. The realization of Sacred Relationship removes all conditions from the Love we experience. The point of the Twelve Steps, and of this Step in particular, is to change our experience of Sacred Relationship from something that is only experienced periodically, to something that is fully realized and celebrated as the essence of our lives.
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction both are transformed.
Carl Jung
Since a relationship describes two or more things in reference to each other, when either one of those things moves or changes, so does the relationship. The changes that occur within us as a result of these steps automatically reflect in our relationships. All our Relationships provide opportunities to heal that within us that blocks Love.
Below are some guidelines to help direct us in our Relationships. These guidelines can accelerate our healing process and give us guidance as we explore the vehicle of Sacred Relationship.
When to speak is superfluous, we remain silent.
Before beginning a conversation, we ask ourselves three things: Are our words true? Are they necessary? Are they kind?
Analysis yields paralysis.
Analysis takes us out of the moment so that ego controls our lives.
What we resist persists.
We do not criticize, condemn, complain, or explain.
Utilize don’t analyze.
The way to fulfillment is through conscious action.
Walk your talk.
Live a life in accordance with your ideals.
Unkindness is never justified.
A kind word carries unlimited power.
Live and let live.
We let go and let Love.
Opinion is worthless; experience is priceless. While differences of opinion often lead to conflict, differences in experience provide a diversity from which all people may benefit.
Ask for what you want.
Your friends will love to give it to you.
Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.
Walking lightly, we can travel much farther than we do when taking heavy steps.
Seek the company of the wise.
Jonas Salk says that the old archetype of survival of the fittest has evolved to a new archetype of survival of the wisest.
We use everything to our advantage.
When we view everything that Life presents as an opportunity for healing, the joy we feel radiates unconditional Love into all our Relationships.
There are no victims, only volunteers.
We are responsible for our own destiny.
Touching says I love you.
A gentle touch says what words cannot.
Guilt only works if you let it.
No guilt is ever justified-or ever useful.
Love heals, criticism poisons.
Love is the antidote to all poisons.
Keep it simple.
Complexity is the enemy of prowess.
Listen with the Heart.
Ears never hear as clearly as our feelings.
Impatience is self-rejection.
We are eternal, and impatience takes us out of the moment.
We are all doing the best we can.
When we see people for who they are, we cannot help but feel Love for them.
There is no right way to do the wrong thing.
Instead of rationalizing an unwise deed, we should demonstrate wisdom and not do the deed in the first place.
Love is letting go of fear.
Love cannot be found in the fearful mind.
Trust intuition, it is only right 100% of the time.
Our intuition exists for a purpose: for us to use.
Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
Freedom awaits us on the other side of forgiveness.
To give is to receive.
Abundance happens when energy flows both ways.
No one can make me wrong but myself.
We alone control our opinions of ourselves.
Seek win-win solutions.
The only real solution is one where everyone wins.
Responsibility is key to all the guidelines. Responsibility is the ability to respond to the opportunities of Life. It does not mean a duty. Nor does it imply blame, fault or guilt. In a Relationship, it is important for all parties to take one-hundred percent of the responsibility.
The ability to recognize ourselves within others gives us patience and understanding. As our identity shifts from the shallowness of ego to the vastness of Spirit, we realize that what has been separating us is, indeed, illusion.
To me Life and God are synonymous.... Life is within you and without you, in the trees, in the clouds, in the stars. This whole existence is a dance of life.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
As we integrate this realization into our lives, Life becomes lighter. We become able to see Life as a Divine Play. We still retain our roles and our quirks, but they do not get in the way of our celebration of Life as they once did. Like children at Halloween, we come to see who is behind the mask.
As our consciousness expands, we come to perceive the consciousness in all of Nature. We appreciate everything for itself, not just for the benefit it may hold for us. The waste and carelessness which previously indicated a lack of awareness fade as Love of Life grows. By living this Seventh Step, we come to understand that Sacred Relationship leaves nothing out. The same tides that swell the ocean rise and fall within us with each breath. The sun, which warms us, warms all living things. The molecules that form our bodies once made up other forms, other galaxies. The dreams we dream, the hopes and fears we carry within us, have all been dreamed and hoped and feared by all of humankind since time immemorial. Knowing this, we need not fear loneliness or separtion. An awareness of our connectedness to the Whole leads inescapably to a life of joy and contentment, a life of sanity. Gratitude is the inevitable result of a life based on Sacred Relationship.
Sacred Relationship is the link to everything we think and dream. Along with Sacred Touch, it is the vehicle by which we can end the pain of separation and set humanity once again on its proper course.
Whoever is saner at the time the threat to our relationship is perceived should remember how deep is his indebtedness to the other and how much gratitude is due him and be glad that he can pay his debt by bringing happiness to both.
A Course in Miracles
Each link is important to a chain; each note is important to a symphony. Each expression, be it Love or negativity, ripples out from us in ways we cannot begin to imagine. We affirm Sacred Relationship through the creation of win-win solutions to our problems. Sacred Relationship shows us that peace within us requires peace among us, and peace among us requires inner peace. When we are able to humble ourselves so as to celebrate Sacred Relationship, we automatically tune in to the resonance of Unity, Freedom, and Bliss.
Sacred Relationship expresses the interconnectedness of all that is. We enter into Sacred Relationship consciously, fully aware of where we’ve been and where we are headed. Many people have lost sight of the sacredness of Life and the Oneness contained within Life’s diverse manifestations. In order to remember our Wholeness, we must release our belief in separation and fear. To support this transformation, we seek the company of those who inspire our growth. Consciously, we enter into Relationship with other co-creators of Benestrophe.
Our friends and acquantances have much to do with the quality of our experience in Life. By seeking fellow travelers on our spiritual journey who are like-hearted and comitted as we are to Unity, Freedom, and Bliss, we make easier the difficult periods and speed our periods of growth.
I have learned silence from the talkative; tolerance from the intolerant and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.
Kahlil Gibran
based on Love. In this way, the Twelve Steps of Benestrophe are much like a lesson in remembering. Those with whom we willingly join in Sacred Relationship are the teachers of our course. Sacred Relationship is always an eye-opening experience.
Don’t avoid relationships: they are the best seminar in town. The truth is that your partner is your guru.
Sondra Ray
Inevitably, we resonate with the influences that surround us. By spending time with people who express competitive, materialistic, or self-righteous attitudes, we strengthen those elements of our own character and facilitate their manifestation in our lives. By spending time with people who celebrate Sacred Relationship, we strengthen our ability to perceive Wholeness. While honoring all Relationships as Sacred and purposeful, we recognize the benefit in associating with others who share our vision, purpose, and goal.
As we consciously focus on the Sacredness of all Relationships, we feel awe toward the miraculous unfoldment of Life. Attentiveness to the interactions between our thoughts and the conditions in our lives reveals subtle patterns and resonances that strengthen our experience of Trust and Love.
Awareness of Love is not difficult. In Truth, it is our natural state, the natural way we would all be without the influence of fear or the pain of separation. But we have forgotten how to cultivate our awareness, how to live a life When we embrace Sacred Relationship, we rediscover the sacredness of Life and of ourselves. The power of Relationship to heal our lives becomes apparent as we learn that no distinction exists between inner and outer. With this insight, the walls of separation dissolve, and Love becomes unconditional. The experience of Unity, Freedom, and Bliss is our Birthright. Sacred Relationship allows us to experience this Birthright immediately and intimately.
In this Seventh Step, we make a conscious and deliberate choice to approach all Relationship as Sacred Relationship. We open our Hearts to a willingness to love and be loved. When we do so, every Relationship we experience in Life is Sacred Relationship.
Benestrophe is a healing fellowship of men, women, and children who celebrate Sacred Relationship by supporting one another in moving beyond fear and into Love. We commit to Sacred Relationship to remind ourselves of the true nature of our own Relationship. Cocreators of Benestrophe teach Love by the way we live. Our vehicle of transformation is Sacred Relationship.
The following Commitment to Sacred Relationship has been used successfully by co-creators of Benestrophe to focus and celebrate Relationships with friends, lovers, partners, and co-workers. Since the exact wording does not need to be maintained, the text can be adapted to include special considerations.
Ienter this Relationship to heal myself and to support you in healing yourself Remembering our equality, I commit to treating you reverently and with unconditional Love. Iwill accept, honor, and cherish you in this moment exactly as you are. When anything less than Love surfaces, regardless of what seems to be the cause, I will remember that lam responsible and that the Wholeness of Relationship is more important than any issue. Keeping communication open, I will re-create Relationship anew, fresh in the perfection of the moment. As a foundation for Relationship, I will be guided by the principles set forth in the Twelve Steps of Benestrophe.
Benestrophe is being here now!
Celebration is an attitude of grateful acceptance of whatever is given us in Life. When have you felt like that?
What is your definition of humility as used in the Seventh Step?
Give a short speech praising someone who has contributed to your well-being and growth.
Share about ways that people have demonstrated love for you.
Contrast an experience you’ve had of Sacred Relationship with an experience you’ve had of material relationship.
Upsets in relationship are inevitable. Share about an upset you have had in a relationship. Were you able to recreate the relationship anew, fresh in the Perfection of the moment?
Tell about a situation in which you felt content, in harmony with everything in the Universe.
Share an experience that expresses what the word reverence means to you.
Share about how relationships in your life function as mirrors.
Describe a relationship that is exciting to you.
Home