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The first three steps of Benestrophe point us in the right direction. They form the basis of our spiritual dance. By recognizing fear as something we allow rather than something over which we have no control, we set the stage for empowerment. By learning to use Sacred Touch to open the Heart and come into the moment, we begin to heal the pain of separation. We become more trusting and more optimistic. We begin to attune ourselves to the subtleties of feelings and energies that constantly flow among all living things. In the Third Step, we take what we have learned in the first two and synthesize that understanding into the experience of surrender. When we recognize that Life is a mystery and commit our will and our lives to the intuitive wisdom of the Heart, we bring ourselves into harmony with our surroundings. We stop struggling and start to know Unity, Freedom, and Bliss.
We do not understand Life. Neither do the priests, the scientists, nor the writers of scholarly texts. We all have theories about why things happen, and we use these theories to shield ourselves from facing the mystery, but the mystery remains. No matter how much we learn about Life, its essence is forever ungraspable. The questions we can answer are insignificant compared to the ones we cannot. Where were we before we were born? What happens after we die? Why did the speck of consciousness we refer to as --I-- manifest at the time and in the circumstances it did? Why is there so much suffering in the world? Such questions have captured the human imagination since the beginning of time, but there are no hard and fast answers.
“The highest flight of human wisdom is to know that we cannot know.”
Goethe
Life’s purpose unfolds in mysterious ways. Routinely, what the mind terms positive has less than positive ramifications; and what the mind terms negative often leads to unforeseen blessings. You can finally afford the snazzy new car, and that seems a positive thing. But, because you have the car, you decide to take a road trip that ends in an accident, and that seems a negative thing. While you are in the hospital, you might meet someone who totally changes your life-someone you would not have met had you not had the accident. So what seemed a terrible tragedy in one moment turns out, in another, to be the best thing that could have happened to you.
Our lives evolve though billions and billions of small miracles of perfect timing. Every decision, no matter how inconsequential, changes our lives forever. Everyone who is in our lives is there because of countless numbers of mutually compatible choices that brought us together at the right time. We all make dozens of such choices daily- to take the early bus or the later one, to shop here or there, to speak to the stranger or not. Every choice effects the story line of our lives-and of countless other lives, as well.
The flow of life goes on and on, and we have no idea where the moment will take us. Each instant contains infinite possibilities. We can try to control things, but since we do not know where anything will lead, control is pointless. What a price we pay for this constant need to maintain the illusion. So much suffering stems from the simple fact of our denying the mystery of our existence. Instead of appreciating what is and approaching Life with Trust, we spend our time complaining, judging, and getting stressed out when things do not go the way we want. How much more sensible to honor the mystery, trust in the moment, and let the Heart’s intuitive wisdom guide our dance.
In material terms, surrender means capitulation, declaring ourselves the loser before we are mowed down by some superior power. In spiritual terms, it means something much different. It means freedom from the beliefs and judgments that are so seductive to the mind. It means Trust in the ever-changing flow of Life. Just as the tiny dead-looking husk hides the glory of the daffodil, pumpkin, or oak, beliefs about who we are and how Life should be often hide the magnificence of our human experience.
Such beliefs create resistance. As long as we try to control Life, fear is in charge. Our attachments to positive expectations open us to disappointment, while our attachments to negative ones cause us to experience pain. When we surrender our expectations and embrace Life as a mystery, resistance fades, and each moment becomes something precious. Instead of worrying about our ideas of what Life is, we are able to touch Life directly.
Control would make sense only if we knew what the outcome should be. Instead, we can save ourselves a lot of headaches by trusting that whatever outcome we get is the right one. With surrender, all the pain caused by futile efforts to stay in control vanishes from our lives. Things turn out the way we anticipate? Wow! Things turn out differently? Wow! It doesn’t matter. Surrender allows us to be at peace in either case.
“One does not have to stand against the gale. One yields and becomes part of the wind.”
Emmanuel
When we finally face the fact that Life is, indeed, a mystery, surrender becomes the only logical choice. Admitting that we cannot know where our choices will ultimately lead means we can relax and enjoy each moment as fresh, new, and full of promise. Such a stance brings us fully into Love’s embrace.
Surrender springs forth from an attitude that acknowledges all of Life as Perfect just the way it is. This perception of all as equally Perfect is the essence of unconditional Love. In order for this to be comprehensible, we need to distinguish between ego’s definition of perfect as something that cannot be improved upon and the deeper implications of Perfection as a purposeful expression of Love’s manifestation through whatever conditions present themselves. Such a notion is challenging, because it entails acknowledging that even moments containing things like fear and anger are part of this greater Perfection. The mind has difficulty comprehending Perfection in the often painful elements that make Up our current reality. And that is also Perfect. Spirituality is full of apparent contradictions, and that’s just what is needed to get us out of our heads and into our Hearts.
Acknowledging the Perfection of a current reality that includes such things as famines, wars, and ecological disasters does not mean we think these things are fine. When we say that the moment is Perfect, we are not saying that something is either good or bad, but simply that it is, and because it is, it has purpose.
“No snowflake falls in an inappropriate place.”
Zen saying
The Perfection of a situation may reside in our changing it or in the qualities we develop by putting up with it. Sometimes the purpose of an event may be to get us from point -A- to point -B- so we can make a needed connection. Sometimes it may be to test our resolve, to teach us compassion, patience, or discipline. Sometimes the drama we participate in may be for the benefit of another. We never know if the significance lies in where we end up or what we learn and give along the way. Since we cannot know, the only thing that makes sense is to trust in the perfect unfolding of the mystery.
The Twelve Steps of Benestrophe encourage us to see Life as a dance, to express ourselves joyfully with openheartedness and Truth. But, to live in a state of surrender in no way implies passivity. Life’s Perfection is dynamic, encompassing the actor, the action, and the thing being acted upon. That a broken leg can be seen as an expression of Life’s Perfect unfoldment does not mean that the bone should not be set or that the obstacle tripped over should not be removed. Action is part of Life and cannot be avoided, for to refrain from action is also an action.
When fear and judgment are the focus, our actions often become means to an end. We work to earn money or gain status; we help others to be thought well of or to feel good about ourselves; we create to be appreciated or to impress. Such action is always subject to a judgment of whether the payoff is what we hoped for, and when it isn’t, we suffer.
“Seek without expecting.”
Ray Grigg, The Tao of Relationships
What we surrender in Step Three is not the action, but the suffering. There is a principle of action that in Eastern traditions is known as dharma or the Tao. Western traditions allude to it as righteousness. Carlos Castenada’s mentor, Don Juan, called it impeccability; and we in Benestrophe refer to it simply as being good and enjoying Life. All these terms imply the same thing-action that is both loving and appropriate to the moment with no attachment to results. The mind supports ego and has its own agenda. It does not lead us to act with righteousness, impeccability, or in the way of the Tao. In order to be good in the sense co-creators of Benestrophe use the term, we must act from the Heart.
When we act from the Heart, we act from the perspective of Wholeness, and such action is, by definition, loving. It is the mind that takes us into past or future where Love cannot be found. The Heart always exists in the present moment. When we surrender to the mystery of Life, we set the mind’s fears aside. When painful emotions arise, we open to them, process them, and use them to go deeper into the mystery. But they no longer rule our lives When the practices of Steps One and Two quiet the voice of fear within us, the intuitive wisdom of the Heart becomes audible. Whereas the mind shouts, commanding our attention and taking us out of the moment, the voice of intuitive wisdom is subtle. To hear it we must let go of our cravings, expectations, judgments, and opinions. The trick lies in learning to distinguish intuitive wisdom from fear and desire. To recognize this voice, we must deeply listen
“When a thing is easily presented to you, and it sounds wonderful to do and a great deal of fun, by all means do it. This is guidance. Let yourself flow free with the dance of your life.”
Barbara Ann Brennan, Hands of Light
Often intuitive wisdom is actually heard as words in the mind, but it can also express as a fleeting hunch or impulse The problem is, a mind caught up in its own projections often ignores these messages which might not fit with preconceived notions. If those around us seem to see something in a certain way, it’s easy to ignore the still, quiet voice that indicates it may be different for us. Likewise, if the mind is attached to having something, it takes courage to hear the inner prompting that tells us to back off, to wait and see.
The Heart is Whole. When acting from the Heart, there are no whys or wherefores. We do not need to justify, explain, or even understand where it leads us. We can simply trust it and wait for confirmation. When we live from the Heart’s intuitive wisdom, we don’t love people because they are good to us and make us feel special, nor do we do things because of the consequences we imagine will result. We love because we love and we do things simply because we do them-because in the moment, they seem the right thing to do.
When working the Third Step of Benestrophe, one of the most important fears we have to deal with is the fear of making a mistake. Such fear is guaranteed to block the Heart’s intuitive wisdom, for it is always looking ahead, always worrying about what if. What if I give it away and need it later? What if I get it and then something happens so I can’t pay for it? What if I try and don’t succeed? What if I guess what the best course of action is and I guess wrong?
One thing we learn by working the Twelve Steps is that there is no such thing as a mistake. The very concept of mistake is rooted in fear and is, therefore, illusion. Any time something doesn’t work out the way the mind projects it should, that thing gets labeled a mistake. The way to stop making mistakes is to stop judging ourselves as having made them and embrace the consequences of our action as part of Life’s unfoldment. Remember, even what we term mistakes are part of the overall Perfection of the moment.
We do not really know what anything means because we do not know it’s ultimate purpose. Everything we do changes the entire course of our lives from that point on, and we have no way of knowing how things would have been had we not done precisely what we did do. Trying to second guess Life is painful and unnecessary, and it never works.
Let’s say you are busy cleaning the house and on an impulse decide to go to the store. You get there, don’t find anything interesting, and while you were gone you miss a call from a friend inviting you out for a pleasant afternoon. The mind will tell you that you made a mistake. But did you? Who is to say that the afternoon would have turned out the way your disappointment imagines? Perhaps you would have caught your friend’s cold, had a fender bender, or gotten into an argument. Perhaps you would have missed another call, twisted your ankle, or lost out on an insight that came because of the afternoon alone.
Mistake is a figment of imagination. Whatever happens is part of Life’s perfect unfoldment. Sometimes the mistake is purely a creation of our mind’s expectations. At other times, like when we cut a board too short, say something we wish we hadn’t, act on a false assumption, or do not pay attention, the mistake teaches us something that will serve us in the future. Whenever you are tempted to label anything a mistake, you should, instead, look for the gift of wisdom it can provide. When we become willing to let go of the emotional baggage that accompanies the notion of mistake, we can see things more clearly. Usually mistakes come from a failure to hear and heed intuitive wisdom. The mind’s fears and expectations often cause us to ignore the voice of our deeper knowing; yet, this voice is always present and able to guide us. When we release defensiveness and honestly examine our state of mind prior to having made what appears to be a mistake, we almost always find there was an ignored signal from somewhere deep within. Just as we can use the experience of suffering as an opportunity to choose Love, we can use the experience of making a mistake as an opportunity to surrender to Life.
Initially, it takes a fair amount of courage to stay attuned to the voice of intuitive wisdom because what it tells us often seems to contradict the logical perceptions of the mind. The world we live in is a mind-dominated world-a world where ends are seen to justify means and where perceptions are subject to all sorts of influences. All of our lives we have been groomed to perceive things in certain ways, and popular culture provides tremendous support for a fear-based view of reality. We all have many unconsidered beliefs and opinions that we have picked up from our parents, peer group, or the media and which do not represent our personal truth. In Step Three we begin the task of weeding through this conditioning so as to access the dynamically creative perspective of our intuitive wisdom. When we stop resisting Life, something deep within us opens. We respond to everything in new and loving ways. Things that formerly scared us-vulnerability, hurt, anger, the emotional realities that arise between men and women-become waters we can easily navigate. Acceptance of Life and acceptance of Self are the same thing. As we become comfortable in ourselves, we become comfortable in Life, whatever it may bring.
“Who am I To deny That, maybe, God is me.
Piet Hem
Living our lives guided by the Heart’s intuitive wisdom is perhaps the most worthwhile goal we can have; but like any meaningful goal, it requires commitment. Commitment is purity of intention, clearly defined and persistently applied. It is an expression of integrity, an all or nothing affair. It begins with a promise we make to ourselves. When we hold this promise as sacred-reestablishing our focus when we slip into forgetfulness, forgiving ourselves when we fall short, refusing to be put off by appearances or setbacks, reaching out for help or touch when we need it-our determination bears fruit. Committing our will and our lives to the intuitive wisdom of the Heart entails the discipline to go inward and be truthful about what is so for us. It entails facing our fears and working through them. It entails having the courage to follow where Love leads even when the mind wants to lead us somewhere else.
“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”
Goethe
The ego often sees commitment as a sacrificing of freedom and fails to comprehend that when Heart and mind are aligned in pursuit of vision, Life supports us in ways that are unforeseeable. The power of focused attention is as mysterious as Life itself. The simple act of committing ourselves wholly to seeking the Heart’s truth is a powerful catalyst that transforms our lives.
The Steps provide us with invaluable tools that are always there at our disposal. By committing to use these tools whenever fear arises, we open the way for surrender to happen naturally.
Alack of surrender is always signaled by judgment. Whenever we enter the dual world of positive and negative, we deny the Perfection inherent in the mystery of Life. By labeling certain experiences with terms like mistake or failure, we set ourselves up to suffer. Limiting our notion of positive to include only that which supports our special-ness also sets us up to suffer. These positive experiences not only become a standard by which other experiences are measured, but all such gains carry within them the inherent risk of loss.
In addition, the voice of judgment is so loud it drowns out the voice of intuitive wisdom. The mind is very involved in its judgments, and it slants our perceptions in favor of what it has deemed to be so. One of the most predominant features of ego is its overwhelming need to be right. Oddly, this need is even stronger than the need to be happy. Therefore, when our mind decides that we are lacking in worth, talent, or luck, it will go to great lengths to discount any evidence to the contrary. Once we have decided that we are idiots, that the task before us is impossible, or that the day is ruined, ego’s pride makes it hard to consider anything that may prove our judgment wrong. Judgment is a prison that locks us into the experience of pain and suffering. We may begin by simply judging circumstances or other people, but we always end up in a cycle of judging ourselves.
“You cannot know your own perfection until you have honored all those who were created like you.”
A Course in Miracles
One of the problems with judgment is that we mistake it for Truth-we think that our judgments reflect something about Life, when, actually, they reflect nothing more than the fact that we are choosing to stand in a place of very limited vision. When we judge, we take an infinitesimal slice of time and, through the mind’s power of interpretation, lock our momentary experience into an ongoing reality. We stop looking for possibilities and stop interacting creatively with the moment. The judgments in which we invest in this moment block our perception of Truth in the next.
The work of the Third Step involves learning to recognize judgment as it arises. This does not mean we deny our perception that something is unsafe, unwholesome, or untrustworthy; it simply means owning these perceptions as our own momentary experience. It is the difference between declaring that someone is difficult and admitting that they are challenging to us. It is the difference between pronouncing that a particular thing is ugly and admitting that we are unable, in this moment, to perceive its inherent beauty; the difference between saying we have failed and acknowledging an outcome was not what we had hoped it would be. There is great power in simply recognizing that something is a judgment, for such a recognition allows us the Freedom to consult the Heart’s intuitive wisdom and respond lovingly, compassionately, and creatively.
Happiness arises from acceptance. There are many times during the course of the day when we perceive imperfection. When the car won’t start, when our child comes home from school with a reprimand, or when the hoped for deal or invitation does not come through, the tendency is to get extremely upset, to condemn ourselves or someone else.
Yet, each of these experiences and others like them are opportunities for inner growth. The Truth of the matter is a negative reaction does nothing to improve a situation. No amount of blaming will convince the car to start, but it will raise our blood pressure, cloud our judgment, and leave us feeling drained and foolish. Anger will not make our children more well-behaved or enhance their belief in their abilities, but it can undermine their Trust in us and lower their self-esteem. Disappointment over what did not happen only serves to rob us of the joy that can be found in this moment.
“To know that you do not know is the best. To pretend to know when you do not know is a disease.
Lao Tzu
Life is full of situations that can provide the mind with rationalizations for suffering. Our job is to turn them into exciting challenges. Judgment only serves to justify our misery; an attitude of equanimity and trust allows us to see all of Life as an adventure. When the mind leads the way, difficulties cause us to feel heartsick, heartbroken, and disheartened; but when the Heart leads the way, the mind begins to occupy itself with seeking out the joy in all situations. Remember, the mind is a terrible master, but a wonderful servant. It is only our conditioned beliefs that tell us rage, self-pity, and stress are natural responses to certain situations. All of our lives we have seen people reacting in such ways, so it might not have occurred to us that such reactions represent choices.
In the material arena, the mind often jumps at a challenge, and when something comes too easily, we get bored. The goal here is to approach the challenges of our inner lives with the same commitment and enthusiasm that propel us to meet challenges in our creative, professional, or romantic lives-as exciting opportunities to go up against our conditioned reactions and recreate ourselves anew.
We need not fear depression, anger, judgment, or hurt. These are not terrible disasters, but doorways that can lead us deeper into the mystery of the Heart. All such feelings are mountains to be climbed. All hold gifts. Our daily routine is but adventure in disguise, boredom the result of refusing the challenge. When we allow Life to become a grand adventure, we awaken to the profound Bliss to be found in every moment.
By taking the Third Step, we become joyfully humble. By acknowledging judgment as a subjective reaction, we free ourselves to keep looking for Truth. When we allow curiosity to replace fear, we stop resisting and start exploring. As we start to accept Life as a mystery, the prideful arrogance of the mind, which thinks it knows, is replaced by the loving openness of the Heart, which does not need to know.
“As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more mysterious.”
A Course in Miracles
The action of Step Three is saying yes to Life. When fear or the desire to control arises, see it for what it is and move beyond it. Remind yourself that Life is a mystery, that you do not know the purpose in the situation that confronts you, nor do you know where it will lead. When you enter into judgment, admit it, process it, and learn from it. Commit fully to using all of the techniques presented in these steps. Trust in the Perfection of the moment, and listen for the voice of intuitive wisdom. When taking action, focus on your intention and leave the results in Life’s hands.
Spend some time each day in meditation. Nurture the intuitive side of your nature by listening deeply and honestly to yourself. Forget what you should think and feel. Trust what is actually there. You will be amazed at how many of your preferences, assumptions, and opinions have been adopted by the mind, soaked up from the culture, and accepted without question as your own. Do not hesitate to change what no longer fits. Courageously sort through all the perspectives. Listen for the rhythm of your own unique drum and joyfully march to its beat.
“When you realize that the God who created you is the Power that lives within you... You become limitless.”
Anna Cook
By taking these Steps we shift our inner state from self- absorption to Self-awareness. Self-awareness is different from the self-consciousness we have regarding ego’s state. When we are self-conscious, we are focused on separateness. How others see us, whether what’s happening affirms or denies who we think we are, and whether we are good enough become major concerns that take us out of the moment. Self-awareness, on the other hand, allows for a free and unencumbered interaction with Life. We have all lived our lives striving to control the uncontrollable. We have elevated ego with its desires, opinions, and insecurities to center stage. States of mind, such as craving and anxiety, have been normal for us. They are familiar ways of dealing with Life, and even though they are not pleasant, they represent a comfort zone.
Surrender is not something we do once and for all, but something we do over and over, moment by moment. Relapse is not to be feared. It can be an important part of recovery.
“Even greater miracles than these, ye shall do also.”
Jesus
The first Three Steps of Benestrophe contain all you need to know in order to shift your direction from limitation to enlightenment. The steps that follow offer tools to assist in deepening your experience of the principles expressed in these first three. The commitment to use these techniques is all that is required to know Wholeness.
The Third Step represents a beautiful process, a process of accepting the intuitive wisdom of the Heart. In this process we graduate into the realm of grace and intuition.
Whenever we fully enter the present moment, we experience a state of grace. This Twelve-Step process has been designed to help us enter that state more frequently and to remain there for longer periods of time. Every choice we make impacts the Whole. The mind cannot comprehend the mystery of Life, but when we surrender to it and live each moment fully, we become points of Light in a world seeking its way through darkness. The universe is alive with purpose, and we are a part of it. To know this, all we need to do is trade our belief in limitation for the experience of the Perfection of the moment.
Surrendering to the mystery of Life, we commit our will and our lives to the intuitive wisdom of the Heart.
Tell a story that you feel illustrates Life is a mystery.
Tell about a turning point in your life.
Tell about a time when you experienced the intuitive wisdom of the Heart.
Share about a situation that you initially saw as negative and later came to see as Perfection.
Share one of the most wonderful ideas you have ever had.
Describe a movie you enjoyed that illustrates the mysterious nature of Life.
The mind sees separation and fear while the Heart knows Wholeness and Love. Share about an instance when you were guided by the knowledge of the Heart. What did you learn from that experience?
Share an instance when you experienced a Power greater than yourself.
Share something revealing you’ve learned about yourself.
Share a situation in your life when you chose to surrender. What did you learn from that experience?
A judgment reflects the attitude of the person making the judgment. Share a judgment you hold.
What has turned out to be a meaningful commitment in your life?
Share about a situation where surrender led to serenity.
How might you allow intuition to play an important role in your life? In what ways would you expect to see positive effects?
The Declaration of Interdependence focuses on accepting what we cannot change, changing what we can, and having the wisdom to know the difference. Talk about an experience you’ve had that illustrates one of these elements.
How do you define persistence? Share an experience that demonstrates the effectiveness of persistence.
Have you ever chosen to break a commitment? If so, what did you learn from that experience?
The creative process begins with choice. Share about a choice you made that had positive results.
Tell about something you feel in your Heart.
Tell about something mysterious that has influenced your life.
Coming from your own experience, how would you define surrender?
Share about how taking the Third Step has changed your life.
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